Why Another Race?
College was supposed to be the next step.
That was the plan I had come up with on my own. I’d follow God’s call to Africa for four months, come home for the summer, and then start school to pursue a degree in education. Although I honestly have never wanted to go to college, this plan made my life feel much more simple.
But at some point in the middle of my time in South Africa and Eswatini, something started to quietly shift in me.
People started asking me why college was next, and as I fumbled for an answer, I began to realize I hadn’t really stopped to ask why I was headed in that direction in the first place. Was I actually pursuing the calling God had on my life (to be a missionary) or just moving forward with what I thought was expected after high school?
If you’ve followed my journey, you know I’ve wanted to be a missionary since I was nine years old. I grew up with a simple kind of faith. I believed God could do anything, anywhere, through anyone. I wasn’t trying to control my future; I just wanted to go wherever He led.
And for a long time, I thought that was exactly what I was doing.
Looking back, though, I can see that somewhere along the way I became more concerned with making the "right" decision than simply following God's voice. I started filtering my choices through the expectations of others, and what had once felt like a beautiful call of being a missionary became increasingly complicated.
A New Possibility
As the weeks during my trip went by, I became more aware that it was going to end, and instead of simply accepting that, I felt a growing sadness and like I wasn’t supposed to go home just yet. I started wondering if there was a way to stay overseas longer.
That’s when my squad leader, Ella, mentioned Gap Year with Adventures in Missions - a nine-month journey through 5 different countries. The specific route she pointed out to me would go to Italy, Nepal, Thailand, Indonesia, and Australia.
Something in me lit up when I heard it. And then I immediately shut it down. College was the next step. Four years of school, a degree in education, a “responsible” and secure future. That was what I told myself I needed to do.
Over the next few weeks, I couldn’t quite shake the idea. It kept resurfacing in conversations and quiet moments. I’d say things like, “If I went on the race again, I’d bring this,” or “If I did Gap Year, I’d do that,” and then quickly correct myself: “But I can’t go - I need to go to college next year.”
That word, “need”, stayed with me… because when I finally asked why I was choosing college, I realized I wasn’t fully choosing it at all. I was defaulting to it. No one was forcing me; I was afraid of stepping outside what people expected of me.
While reading my bible, I came across Galatians 1:10, which says, "Obviously I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”
After examining my heart, and lots of prayer, the Lord began to gently show me how much people-pleasing had shaped my decisions.
An Open Door
Eventually, I decided to apply for the route that had first stirred something in my heart.
A few days later, I heard it was already full. I felt disappointed more than I expected to. Part of me had already begun to imagine what it would look like, and hearing that it wasn’t available felt like a door closing before I had fully stepped toward it. At the same time, another part of me felt relieved, as if that settled it and I could finally let the idea go.
But I couldn’t fully let it go. A quieter part of me kept wondering, There’s no harm in just seeing what happens.
So I scheduled the interview anyway.
The night of my interview, Ella told me that she thought there were a few spots left and something shifted. It wasn’t dramatic, but internally it changed everything.
Up until that moment, I really did have peace - not certainty, but a steady willingness to trust God with whatever came. However, as soon as I heard those words, I felt myself move from surrender into striving. I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to get it right, to get one of those last spots.
And in that tension, I felt a quiet conviction in my spirit: Don’t you trust Me?
So I prayed that if this wasn’t His will, He would close the door completely.
The interview felt like a blur. I tried to stay present, honest, and not overthink my words. At the end, I expected a delay, a “we’ll let you know soon.”
Instead, I heard: “We’d like to congratulate you on being accepted into the gap year program! There are three spots left on this route… pray about your decision, but we’d love to have you.”
I remember sitting there stunned and so, so excited, realizing that this was right. That this was what the Lord had next for me!
My Next Yes
That Sabbath, I spent time fasting and praying over the decision, and the Lord surfaced fears I hadn’t fully named: that I wouldn’t have value without a degree, that people would think I was making the wrong choice, and that I wouldn’t be able to raise the funds.
In naming those fears, God gently reminded me of the truth: that my worth isn’t tied to academic achievement, that my life isn’t meant to be lived for the approval of people, but for Him, and that if He was leading me into this, He would also provide for it.
So… on August 28th, I’ll be launching out yet again for nine months to Italy, Nepal, Indonesia, Thailand, and Australia!!!
College may still be something that the Lord has in store for me. But right now I’m surrendering my timeline and trusting that the Creator of the earth knows what He’s doing!!
These next three months here in Colorado will be full of preparation, fundraising, and leaning into whatever the Lord wants to do before I leave, and I would truly love your prayers through it all! If you feel led to support financially, there are also ways to give (see the “Support” button on the banner). Every bit truly makes a difference and helps make this mission possible.
Thank you for coming alongside me. For your love and encouragement while I was in Africa, and your love and encouragement now! I’m so thankful for the people that God has put in my life!!
